Thoughts only the unemployed would have February 10, 2009

So a few Sundays ago it was the Super Bowl. Woo! Right? I didn’t really pay attention to anything this past season so I had no idea who was in it. So it was surprising to me that there was a team called the Cardinals there. Isn’t that baseball?

I apparently was not alone in this sentiment so I didn’t feel too out of touch. Being a New Yorker, you hear about the Giants and Jets all the time; and then there’s the other wildly popular teams like the Cowboys and Packers that have hefty fan bases all over the place. But when I was sitting at the annual Super Bowl party hosted by one of my dad’s BFF from high school, I realized that Cuba Gooding Jr. played on the Cardinals in Jerry Maguire. So, they’ve been around. On TV? No. But, around.

I knew the first thing that I was going to do when I got home. Well, after turning the interior lights off in my car that’s been sitting there for nine-plus hours. I’m looking up when this team came into existence. Holy. Camoley. 1920. Are you serious? This team has been around for 90 years, and all I can remember about them is from the movie that sprung the line, “show me the money”?!

That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m sick of kinda knowing the game and being flippant about who I want to win.

See, from a tender age I’ve understood football. My brother played youth football and my dad coached him and continued to coach for almost 20 years. I would watch Sunday, Monday and Thursday with my dad; asking little questions when I didn’t understand calls or plays. Then when I went to college this continued with my friends. They all loved their own teams and whenever a game was on, it was on. I was even awoken at 8am one year to watch the draft. Poor Brady Quinn. Jokes.

So I understand the game, I don’t fight it when its on TV, and find it enjoyable enough to watch on a Sunday instead of Rock Of Love repeats. But what I never had was a favorite team. My dad is a Jets fan, presumably my brother too. They suck though, so fuck that. I couldn’t really even tell you many players names. If they aren’t gorgeous, a quarterback, or known for antics on or off the field, I don’t know them. With my reality mapped out in front of me I made a pledge to myself: have a team and a full knowledge of them (and opponents!) by next season.

This is so happening.

Most people choose a team due to an emotional attachment or just plain location. Neither New York team (fuck the Bills) do it for me so I decided to look at games played on my birthday. The Colts, Falcons and Chiefs have all won three games on that day. Something about the Chiefs just doesn’t sit well with me and the Falcons somehow remind me of the male nudity in Any Given Sunday. Maybe its the black helmets. I don’t know. So, Colts it is? Not so fast.

Before getting ahead of myself and choosing a team that after further investigation might rub me the wrong way, just like the teams I have eliminated, I need to get to know them better. And what better way than to start from the beginning. Not origins-of-football-in-Colonial-Jamestown-beginning, but NFL beginning. Year one, 1920.

I decided for the sake of becoming that asshole that’s all “well technically the club started in ____, but I guess you’re right *laugh*snort*laugh*”, I wouldn’t document anything before that year. And I would neglect any information about teams before they joined a professional league, NFL or otherwise.

I would document the progression of the game and league as well as the teams. Rule changes, game-altering games, presidents, commissioners, etc. I run through every year, documenting rule changes, milestones in broadcasting, final standings. Nothing really about specific teams; except the franchise establishment year, if they took a year off, combining teams, anything that effects the standings/roster of league basically, is written. Get to know the league before you get to know your team, right?

Upon doing this I watched a sad, sad truth unfold. And this truth is called the Lions. A great team, with a few iffy standings, up until 1957 I believe. Sure, they’ve been seen in the playoffs here and there, but aw. Last season. There’s something so endearing about something so terrible. When/If they win a game next season, it’ll be momentous. I love an underdog, but do I love this much of an underdog? Tough call. I’ll have to wait until I begin my thorough Lions research.

So that’s where I’m at basically. I’m just about to begin on individual teams, but my fire is fading a bit. Might take a bit longer than anticipated, but finding a job is holding just as true, so I got the time. Just so I don’t sound insane and obsessed, I do job search during the day and do other things. This kind of stuff mainly gets done between the time good TV ends and when I go to sleep. A sizable amount of time, mind you, so I can get a lot done.

When I find that special team, it’ll all be worth it. I was laughing as I typed that. I bet all this isn’t worth shit. Ha.

And now for something completely different. February 1, 2009

I cannot even fathom why I love this so much. I kind of hate it I love it that much. It’s a Korean pop group called Girls Generation. Something in me makes me think that the ‘girl’ part of their name should be possessive not plural but whatever. There’s NINE girls in that group. Every time I watch this beloved video of mine, I usually wander off in thought half-way through. Do they all like each other? I wouldn’t be able to get nine girls in a room and be absolutely certain they would be able to sing, dance and tour together. I wonder if the cattiness that poisons our drinking water is the same over in Asialand. Hmmm…

I can’t stand Rihanna and yet Pandora is set on fixing this. November 17, 2008

I’m a lot of things that aren’t nice. Selfish and mean are just the tip of the iceberg. But I think the good qualities I have are redeeming. Besides having a great rack, I’m very self-aware and pride myself on being able to read people well. I’m the most considerate person you’ve ever met. And because of this and the aforementioned self-awareness, it bothers me to no end when I’m not met with the same consideration. To the point where I will throw a tantrum.  Or manipulate you into feeling the greatest amount of guilt possible. Whichever brings me a greater reward.

I bring this up because living with people makes you realize how much you take others into consideration over yourself. When I first moved across campus and lived with a promiscuous young lady I would make sure I slept in a vacant room at a friend’s rather than go back to my own room Thursday nights because I knew what was going to go down, regardless of me being there or not unfortunately. And let me tell you, it was quite unfortunate when I chose to say fuck it and sleep in my own bed. Because she was never considerate of me. I’ve had countless roommates who could give a shit if I was asleep and they were being loud. I’ve had a roommate FOLD CLOTHES ON ME while asleep. But when I woke up early for class and had the opportunity to bang and crash around to wake her up, I didn’t. Because I didn’t want to be remembered as that bitch that couldn’t be quiet.

There are countless stories I have of roommates I have grown to hate, and this is why I just don’t want any again. But going down to Florida is quite a leap and it would be nice to be with someone during it. I know a lot of people that are planning the same as I, and it would work out nicely to have that built-in support. If I lived on my own then that bit of extra effort has to be put in to hanging out with them and with the amount of time I need to be working and just plain saving money, I would probably just become a hermit for eight months. Although I am the most entertaining person I know, this isn’t healthy. It makes sense to put my own issues aside and pretty much grin and bear it. I just don’t know how much longer I can just let things roll off my shoulders. Just because it has been eight different people does change the sentiment, it doesn’t reset itself. I’m bound to blow a gasket at some point.

I mean I just don’t get it! I try so hard! If I walked in the room and saw a sleeping or studying roommate I would take what I needed out of there and vacant as quickly as possible. I would find things to do, places to go, people to see so I wouldn’t be the cause of any strife. I cannot wrap my head around people that do the complete opposite. Why would you speak in a normal voice on the phone when I’m asleep? Why would you try and hold a conversation with me when I’m obviously doing something that requires my concentration? Why would you assume that you wouldn’t wake me up while in an exasperated tone you explain to your friend how you don’t give a shit if I’m asleep or not, you’ll do what you want? My mind is blown.

I don’t even know how to retaliate properly. I know I’m a loud person, but this is in a crowded bar or a group of people. Just sitting at home I make no noise. No one in my house even knows when I wake up because I don’t slam bathroom door behind me or parade down the stairs. I don’t throw keys down. I don’t openly sigh or yawn loudly. I talk to myself sometimes, but never if I feel like someone is around (lol). So me having a loud phone conversation, or thundering around is so out of character I feel awkward doing it. Like they’ll know it’s on purpose. Which it is…but I don’t want confrontation. Shit no! That would be horrible. Passive aggressiveness is surely enough. If I could just pull it off…

In other news, I’m trying to figure out how to angle my personal statement. I think I have a good idea for my topic, if you want to know you can ask but I’m keeping it to myself for now. I have always felt like I have a certain tone that is oddly sarcastic but endearing enough that I got away with it on every single term paper I’ve written in college. I think the subject matter and its updated views would be accentuated by the way I write. Or something. I want my personal statement to be more like a musing than a term paper. This is probably the way wrong way to go, but I have a feeling it’ll be okay. Unlike this roommate situation. Shit.

postsecret for the soul October 4, 2008

I think in this whole big world of new technology and the dwindling feeling of a private life has taken its toll on everyone, including me. I talk to myself constantly, due to boredom and the dog is one hell of a listener but I always feel like I’m being watched. Like everyone around me always knows everything without me even telling them. I guess that’s my own brand of paranoia but everyone has it. One thing that I find to be super anonymous and private and that I love is post secret. I have contemplated sending in bounds and bounds of postcards but never do, thinking my secrets aren’t life threatening or even life-changing. In the big picture, they probably are but I always put myself on the back burner. I’m no martyr but I’m not all about throwing myself out there either. I guess my paranoia also leads me to believe someone would follow me to the mailbox and figure it out, or it will get posted and immediately I’ll get a message saying “I know it was you”. So I’m fascinated by these people that are so brave.

I normally read through every Sunday, maybe two or three times to see what comments were great enough to be posted between the secrets. For some reason last Sunday I was struck to read the comments at the end of the entry. I mean there’s always hundreds, maybe I’m missing something. I started reading and was so shocked at what I saw. I always figured the people reading post secret were open people, mostly adults with worldly views of things. It was to my dismay I saw comments that insulted the artists of these postcards. Telling them their secrets were bad and wrong. That what they believe and cannot help is disgusting. That they’re sick and twisted for enjoying things. I was angry for all the people that sent in postcards and was heartbroken as well.

What if that was mine? What if it was my secret that these hundreds of people are saying wrong and bad and I should take a good look at myself because I’m a disgusting individual? I don’t know what I would do. People send in these postcards to get their secrets off their chests and if all goes well, find sympathy is the people that see it when posted. They know that these things they’re writing are wrong and maybe even shameful, but that’s why they are secrets and are sent in anonymously. As sort of therapy to move on, and maybe even to see that their secret doesn’t even have to be a secret at all, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. To see people bashing them, to get on their high horse behind a computer screen to judge someone that was courageous enough to let the world know what he or she thinks is outrageous.

If you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. This old saying is supremely lost on the internet. And it is turning our world into a very cruel one. It is easy to judge when no one can see your flaws. It is easy to hate when no one has any evidence to hate you. There is definitely some love, but it is few and far in between the haters. This place can make anything intensely personal, wide-spread and well known in hours. And for these people to do that means something. They want sympathy and empathizers (I know, not a word). They want to feel validated that they are not alone! Just one person saying, “ME TOO!” could turn their life around. And instead of telling that person that it’s okay we all have our faults, people choose to belittle the people that are giving them entertainment. It’s weird to say that postsecret is entertaining but also much more. And everyone posted doesn’t care about the entertainment value they want to feel that much more.

I guess seeing this is an eye opening experience for me. Silly me, assuming people that have the world at their fingertips would have progressive minds. Maybe seeing everything the world has to offer has pigeon-holes some people. Seeing all these things they don’t like has just set them in their ways. Modern day Strom Thurman’s perhaps? Too little information makes you ignorant, too much information makes you..feign ignorance. I don’t know, maybe I’ve just always been one of those people that rolls with the punches. If it floats your boat, go for it. Maybe I’m just too open and non-existant standards for a human being are too progressive for the rest of the world.

I’m probably guilty of a crude comment toward people I don’t know in my youth. I’m actually quite sure of it. But I grew out of it. Maybe all those people on the postsecret comments just have to grow out of it. Maybe a few more Sundays and they’ll see how unwarranted their mean and hurtful comments were and they’ll take it back. Maybe, it’s those comments that made me grow up and see what I was doing. Maybe I’ll chalk what I read up to internet growing pains. Maybe.

One day I woke up and realized… October 4, 2008

My taste in music has always been somewhat different from my outward persona. I’m loud, crude and I think borderline autistic with my horrid social skills. Too honest too fast, too forward, and not outwardly enthusiastic about anything. But I’m not about to analyze my social skills because I’m sure much more goes on that I’m blind to so why bother. So back to my music.

I like mellow, calming music that’s still loud and full. I fall asleep to classical music and while listening to Claire De Lune one night, high out of my mind I watched the song and saw the story unfold in front of me. It was super intense. I don’t really listen to lyrics, I like melodies and beats. While I don’t really care what they’re singing about the voice has to be able to melt into all the other sounds. Even if it’s a unique voice it can still find itself a niche in the rhythms and beats. I mean, I sing along and enjoy a great line, but it’s by no means a deal breaker in liking a song. But when a voice is filled with feeling and emotion that can absolutely make the song.

Muse has been one of my favorite bands, if not the favorite band, for about six years now. They sound so full and rich and big. And then when it’s a light, romantic song it is perfectly pretty. It’s beautiful music. Their lyrics on such songs can be so big and mean so much. They look at things in a different light and its always cool to listen to something and be like, “Huh, I never thought of it like that before”. I like them so much I don’t feel like any description I can give would justify the kind of stupor I fall into whenever I hear their music. One time I was getting food inbetween classes and on a TV in the food area, Muse came on with a song I’ve never heard before. I just stood there and watched the entire thing. Actually, quite a few people were watching. Amazing band.

I don’t know exactly what genre Muse falls besides ‘extreme awesomeness’ into but I listen to a whole bunch of what I would call ambient indie-pop. Doves, Ambulance LTD, As Tall As Lions, Death Cab For Cutie, The Stills, Keane, it is an endless list. Stuff that is great to listen to while studying or doing productive things. You know you don’t have to skip songs because they map out CDs with perfection and every song is great. Sometimes it can get depressing but it’s not like the whole CD is a “woe is me, my life is horrible” pity party. Isn’t really high energy but enough that you can feel the beat and still get in a groove. The worst part about listening to this kind of music is that there isn’t a huge audience for it. The Stills are a great band but their sophomore album charted the first week but then fell off the face of the earth. I’ve been to their website recently and it hasn’t been updated in a long time. It just sucks that some of these bands have such a short life because they just aren’t heard. I think if everyone listened to them they would be huge. I love them so, of course I have to say that.

Other bands that I listen to I kind of fell into. These are the ones that someone turned me on to or I just so happened to hear them somewhere and liked. Kind of all over the place, genre-wise, but definitely high-energy. I first listened to Interpol while walking through Victoria Station in London and now forever equate a Brooklyn band with that trip. We Are Scientists were first introduced as a funny band website and they have pretty good music. They give a good live show too. I’ve been listening to Modest Mouse since high school but didn’t really get into them until the end of college. While in Florida I would listen to We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank everyday on the way to work. It’s hard listening to mellow music and then be excited to work so I tend to stick this kind of music. What got me off the MM kick was Kate Nash. Simple music and melodies that lend themselves to cunny, witty lyrics. It’s not often you listen to music and smirk at a lyric about a boyfriend that’s being, and I quote, “a dickhead”. Bloc Party and Arctic Monkeys I feel go hand in hand, if you listen to one you have to listen to the other. Speaking of, I completely lost my copy of the single Brianstorm. Is it still illegal to download it if I did buy it at one point? Lately I’ve been listening to Shwayze, the kind of rap I feel is made for white people (lolz).

Sometimes I feel like I listen to the obvious choices of everyone that listens to that kind of music. Like if I was to go to an Interpol concert it would be people like me and then the people that are really into them and can name ten other bands they listen to that are like Interpol. Like, Interpol is an obvious choice to listen to but you aren’t really cool unless you listen to band x and band y that are just like Interpol but lesser known thus infinitely cooler. It’s a silly fear or whatever but feeling like a poser never feels good. I think that may be why when people ask me what kind of music I listen to, it’s a hard question. What if I say a band and then they’re all like, “OMG I love them! Do you listen to _____ too? I think they’re both such great bands, I’m going to see them in concert next month!” God that frightens me for some reason. Someone should just write LOSER on my forehead.

I do think I pigeon hole myself a lot when it comes to music. Unless a single strikes me, or someone urges me to listen to something I just don’t. I don’t listen to the radio since its filled with filth and it’s not like MTV or VH1 play videos at a reasonable hour. I used to watch Subterranean on MTV2 to find new music. Now I have become a scavenger and because of that I don’t really try to hard. I know I like Doves, so I see who they tour with. When I buy a Muse CD on Amazon.com I look to see what it recommends. But that’s pretty much it. Listening to the same sound, kind of gives me a sixth sense to pick up bands that sound like what I like. It isn’t too often I hear something and think, “Wow that’s different maybe I should give them a try”. I do listen to singles by people/bands but then never think to hear more. I just don’t want to grow into one of those old people that yells at the young whippersnappers to turn down their devil music. Yuck, a horrible way to turn out.

Musical insecurities are silly. I love the music I listen to and when it comes down to it, that is all that matters. If I’m not keeping up with trends or friends that’s just fine. Not everyone has the same ear and that’s awesome. Music is my love. Can’t go a day without it.::cue the stupid less than three heart::